Is this the kind of fast I have chosen?

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,

only a day for people to humble themselves?

Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed

and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?

Is that what you call a fast,

a day acceptable to the Lord?

 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke? 

Isaiah 58: 5-6

The other night I underwent a twelve hour fast in preparation for a lipid panel test the next morning.  As I was in the midst of my fast, I made a few status updates to Facebook and Twitter lamenting - maybe mildly whining over - the fact that I was fasting. 

The next morning, I went to the Doctor's office - with a cup of coffee I had prepared - had my blood drawn and then broke my fast with a big gulp of coffee when I was back in my car. 

I also checked my Facebook and found that a friend whom I love and respect from my seminary days busted my butt over my whining about my fast. In her challenge to me, she said, 

"You have a fridge to avoid. You have food to crave. You have healthcare to enable you to go through this "horrible" event.""

She was, of course, absolutely right. 

I had selfishly focused on my "misery" over twelve hours away from food (and coffe, gulp!) and had forgotten how many people in this world really do without or struggle to make it day to day wondering where their next meal will come from or how they will pay their medical bills.

I suppose I could excuse myself over the fact that my fast that morning was just a fast for a medical test. It was not a spiritual discipline which I was undertaking.

But then I remembered that as part of the two year Missional Wisdom Program I am set to begin in a couple of weeks I will be committing myself to a Rule of Life. One of the rules - perhaps one of the hardest ones for me - is to commit to a weekly fast from food. 

I have fasted occasionally, mostly during major life transitions or periods of discernment. I have not made it a regular practice for my spiritual life, but when I have fasted it's been mostly about what I am hoping to "receive" from God (a word of wisdom, a confirmation over a decision, a warm fuzzy spiritual feeling, etc.) 

This time around, though, my practice of fasting - more in line with my friend's challenge to me - will be about focusing my heart and eyes on the world around me. It will be about asking the question, "How is God calling me to loose the chains of injustice, to untie the cords of the yoke, and to set the oppressed free?" 

For sure, it's not the fast I would have chosen. 

But it is the kind of fast that God has chosen. 

Just Dreaming

I've been trying to figure out how I can best explain what it is I am hoping to do with the program I am set to embark on with the Missional Wisdom Foundation.

Part of the problem for me is that my thinking/dreaming is in a sort of infancy stage. I have a rather fuzzy notion about what I'd like the end product to be. Nothing clear. Nothing distinct. Which of course is a very big reason why I am pursuing this particular course of training and formation in the first place.

What I know for certain is that I want to be part of something different than what typically goes on in most of our churches today, and I am fairly certain that other people do to. Which is why they are leaving the church. It's not that they are not faith-filled people, it's that they see the church as largely irrelevant.

Here's what I know for sure:

• I don't want to hear a sermon but then have no clear way to live its implications out during the week. 
• I don't want to be part of a social club that gathers on Sunday and for the occasional game night on Saturday evening.
• I don't want to be a part of system whose sole aim is to perpetuate itself or to keep a building up and running. 

I don't know at this point what an alternative, missional sort of community will look like. I don't know the form such a community might take shape in my particular context of Mount Vernon, Iowa. 

I don't know because, right now, I am just dreaming.

Exercise in Humility

Asking for help can be an exercise in humility.

About nine months ago, a friend of mine sent me some information about the Academy for Missional Wisdom. At the time, I looked briefly at the info but then quickly forgot about it.

Last month she posted the same info again on her Facebook page and said a new cohort was starting in October in Kansas City and to contact her if anyone was interested.

Without any recollection of my previous encounter with this information, I happened to click on the link and as I read through the info something in me said, "I need to do this."

As I started inquiring about the cost, I soon learned that the program cost for two years is $5,000. That put a bit of a damper on my enthusiasm as I considered how tough that was going to be for us to swing.

Since I am currently a stay-at-home dad our monthly income has not quite matched our expenses. We are not going into debt, at this point, but our financial situation is such that we have been slowly eating away at our savings.

Anyway, I took a big gulp and approached my wife, Lori, about the program and to ask for her thoughts. She said it sounded great, and as other people told me she said we could work to build partnerships in a variety of ways in order to support the potential paths for ministry this might open up in the community, presbytery, and beyond.

I decided to take the plunge and send in my application. I was accepted into the program and so things  begin with our first cohort meeting during the second week of October.

The exercise in humility comes in being willing to step out and to ask for help when you need it. So, I have begun to ask for financial support from friends and others who might be willing and able to help me on this endeavor.  (If you'd like to help you can do so by checking out my GoFundMe page.)

The wonderful thing - and humbling too - in all of this is discovering so many people who are generous with their financial resources and willing to walk this journey with me to see the paths for ministry that God is preparing me for. 

What are you doing?

"So, Jim, what are you doing these days?"

Good question.

My primary focus over the last year has been to be a stay-at-home dad for our four year old son, Teddy. It's been a special time for all of us, and I am sure I will never regret this special opportunityI have had to be at home with him.

Now that Teddy has started pre-school and is away from home a couple of hours during the week, I have begun to pick up some additional things to occupy myself. Recently, I started a gig with our local newspaper, The Sun. I am now a corespondent reporting every other week on the happenings of the city council of Lisbon, which is our neighboring town.

I am also keeping my eyes open to the possibility of returning to the work force full time, applying to the occasional job that sounds interesting to me and appears to fit my set of skills and abilities. So far, nothing has come to fruition, so I just keep pressing on, at home, with the tasks that are right in front me.

One thing I don't foresee happening anytime soon is a return to pastoral leadership. The further away I am from it, the more I discover that I have little energy or passion for it. Not only that, I am constantly questioning what it is, exactly, we are doing when we gather together for "church."

That doesn't mean, however, that I'm no longer interested in being a part of kingdom work in someway.

In fact, I am set to start on a journey with the Academy for Missional Wisdom. This unique two-year program, which I will begin in October, is an opportunity for me to receive training and mentoring to  help me retool the way I think about God's mission and activity in the world.

My initial hope in undertaking this journey is two fold:

1.) To be spiritually rejuvenated through daily contemplative practices.
2.) To see the church and the local community with new eyes so I might better identify and join in with what God is already doing.

I am not exactly sure where all of this will lead me; I'm just trying as best I can to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to how God is calling me to be of service.

Embarking on a Journey

I am starting on a two year journey with the Academy for Missional Wisdom.

During this journey, I will explore and develop skills to lead a missional community, combining contemplative practice with missional service to the community.

I will also seek to discern the ways I can join and encourage others to join - in community - to further the work of God's Kingdom in the local Mt. Vernon, Iowa community. 

Will you join me, both through prayer and financial support, as my family and I begin this journey?