The Suitcase

I've often heard people say that the process of learning in seminary is a whole lot like arriving with everything neatly packed in your suitcase, having it bust open and spill its contents all over the floor, and then rearranging everything back in the suitcase. 

A friend of mine recently asked me to spend a little bit of time writing about the Missional Wisdom program so that he might understand a little more about it. 

I find it's still hard for me to state specifically what it is I am doing in the program, but the suitcase analogy seems like an apt metaphor for what's happening with me. 

The only difference is that this time around I arrived with my suitcase stuffed to the gills and its contents already in a jumble. What I'm doing now is sorting through all the contents. I'm finding out that I simply don't need some of the things in that suitcase and the rest of them need to go back in an altogether different order. 

For example, here is a bit of what I've been tussling with recently regarding the place of worship and mission in the life of the church:  

Readings for one week from our text, The Faith of Leap, suggested that mission needs to be restored as the organizing principle of the church. However, in seminary we had it drilled into us that Worship is the organizing - or at least central - principle of the church. 

For me that's the way I've always seen things to be. Everything we do is supposed to flow out of our worship of God, or so I have always thought. However, as I've reflected upon my practical experience in the church, I've come to realize this never, ever has seemed to be the case. 

As I've dealt with the institutional for the past 20+ years as a church member, elder, and as a minister, I've always been left scratching my head asking, "Why doesn't worship lead us into further engagement in the world?" "Why do people come to worship but seldom seem affected by it enough to go out and to love and serve their neighbor?" 

Still, in the midst of all that struggle, doubt, and questions, I've had serious reservations about shifting my thinking in a different direction on this issue. I think those reservations have primarily come from an objection that a shift from Worship to Mission as the organizing principle might somehow tend to shift the focus from God to us, to the work we do in the world. 

What's helped me change my thinking on this is the helpful suggestion of the authors that we should always see the proclamation of "Jesus as Lord" as the actual core or center of the church.  The four columns of worship, community, discipleship, and mission all revolve around that core proclamation. 

The place of mission in all this however is primary. It is to be the catalyst that sparks and gets things going.  I now see that this is something that Worship, as wonderful, as necessary, and as foundational as it is, was never designed nor intended to do. 

I wonder in what other ways, the contents of my suitcase will be sorted and reorganized in coming months. It's hard work, but I think the pay off will make it much easier for me to travel lightly on this missional journey. 

Not a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and love

For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. 

Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works but according to his own purpose and grace.  - 2 Timothy 1:6-9

For the past several weeks, as part of my Missional Imagination class, I've been reading the book "The Faith of Leap" by Michael Frost and Alan Hirsch.  There is lots and lots to chew on in this book; it is meaty and challenging but well worth the effort it takes to engage the material.

Essentially, the book is a call to give up a mundane form of faith and to begin to walk in the wild ways of Jesus.  Personally, one of the main challenges of the book which I've been grappling with the most is the place of fear and how much fear drives our expression of western Christianity.

The authors contend that the predominate form of Christianity we find in practice today is one co-opted by the middle class values of security and safety (read the book if you want to learn more.) Even worse churches and denominational structures are gripped with fear as our numbers dwindle, and we seize control in order to shore up our losses.

A number of weeks ago, I attended a forum with Brian McLaren and Phyllis Tickle about the future of the church.  This one tidbit from Tickle stuck with me; she said, "As I travel around the country I have noticed an increase in the level of despair. It's killing the church. Pastors especially have given themselves over to such despair as they look at the church and wonder about their salaries and worry about their pensions."

I'm not sure how to solve that enormous level of fear that grips our churches or denominational structures, and truth be told that's not really my concern, at least for now.

What I do need to attend to, however, is my own fear - maybe even, admittedly, despair - that keeps me stuck within a safe and secure form of faith, that keeps me from venturing out, pioneering, and trying something different and new for the sake of God's Kingdom.

There is an old proverb that says "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." It's a notion I've pretty much discarded mostly because the phrase, "the fear of the Lord," always seems to carry such a negative connotation (i.e. fear of God's wrath or fear of God's judgement)

The authors, however, argue that we might think differently about this:

Because "wisdom" is the ordering of life in accord with God's will, appropriate fear of God is the only thing that gives us the right perspective of, and puts us into right relationship with, the objects of our perception.  Holy reverence is therefore the right basis for coping with life's meaning and problems.

In other words, the fear of God - the God who extends mercy and grace to us in Jesus Christ and invites us into life giving relationship with God - puts all those other fears we might have into their rightful place.  It is the one corrective that has the power to move us beyond all those other fears that grip us.

I love how the authors frame things in a more helpful way:

What we can do is allow the fears themselves to be overwhelmed by bigger and better things - by a sense of adventure and the fullness of life that comes from relocating our fears and vulnerabilities within the larger story that is ultimately hopeful and not tragic. 

Easier said than done, at least in my experience. But with God's help and with a trust that God has indeed given a spirit of power and love and not of fear, I hope I am on the path to a more adventurous and life-giving form of faith in Christ.

Nothing New, Yet Everything New

So for the last four weeks, I've been engaged in an online course called "The Missional Imagination." It is the first course in the two-year Missional Wisdom Program which I began in October.

In many ways the sorts of ideas and thoughts I am studying and engaging with are not all that new to me.

I have long been aware that the way we do "church" today is broken. I have grappled with the notion that our structures are not highly supportive of Christ's mission. I have struggled with the realization that many of our churches are ineffective at forming disciples. I have also dabbled with some of the ideas and notions of the missional church, as I've grappled with those and other concerns.

What is new, for me, however is that I am finally able to dedicate the time and energy which I think are necessary for me to begin to think systematically and practically in ways that will retool and re-imagine how I think about the church and more importantly, how I may be called to participate more fully in the "missio dei" or "mission of God."

It's hard work and it's challenging me in many different ways. In some ways it's nothing new, and in others it's everything new.

Life Giving

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. - John 10:10

Last night I arrived in Kansas City to attend a two day retreat that marks the start of the Academy for Missional Wisdom.

During our first session we were invited to share a little bit about ourselves and what brought us to be a part of the Academy. Being the introvert that I am, I had an outline of things I was preparing to say percolating away in my head. What I was not prepared to say but which spilled out of my mouth anyway was this:

What I desire for this next phase in my life is to form and be part of something that is life giving. Life giving to me, life giving to those that are a part of, and life giving to the community we are a part of. 

Later on in our discussion I was  reminded that the purpose of the Missional Wisdom Academy is not to discount or dismiss the existing church. 

While my recent church leadership experience was not always positive or life giving, I still need to remember that existing church structures do feed certain people in important and significant ways. 

At the same time, the missional church movement grows out of the foundation of the existing church but also hopes to add back - to breath life back - to the existing church.

I'm not sure what's next for me but with openness to the life giving Spirit, I trust that it will bring life to me, the church, and the world that so desperately needs it. 

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen?

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,

only a day for people to humble themselves?

Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed

and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?

Is that what you call a fast,

a day acceptable to the Lord?

 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke? 

Isaiah 58: 5-6

The other night I underwent a twelve hour fast in preparation for a lipid panel test the next morning.  As I was in the midst of my fast, I made a few status updates to Facebook and Twitter lamenting - maybe mildly whining over - the fact that I was fasting. 

The next morning, I went to the Doctor's office - with a cup of coffee I had prepared - had my blood drawn and then broke my fast with a big gulp of coffee when I was back in my car. 

I also checked my Facebook and found that a friend whom I love and respect from my seminary days busted my butt over my whining about my fast. In her challenge to me, she said, 

"You have a fridge to avoid. You have food to crave. You have healthcare to enable you to go through this "horrible" event.""

She was, of course, absolutely right. 

I had selfishly focused on my "misery" over twelve hours away from food (and coffe, gulp!) and had forgotten how many people in this world really do without or struggle to make it day to day wondering where their next meal will come from or how they will pay their medical bills.

I suppose I could excuse myself over the fact that my fast that morning was just a fast for a medical test. It was not a spiritual discipline which I was undertaking.

But then I remembered that as part of the two year Missional Wisdom Program I am set to begin in a couple of weeks I will be committing myself to a Rule of Life. One of the rules - perhaps one of the hardest ones for me - is to commit to a weekly fast from food. 

I have fasted occasionally, mostly during major life transitions or periods of discernment. I have not made it a regular practice for my spiritual life, but when I have fasted it's been mostly about what I am hoping to "receive" from God (a word of wisdom, a confirmation over a decision, a warm fuzzy spiritual feeling, etc.) 

This time around, though, my practice of fasting - more in line with my friend's challenge to me - will be about focusing my heart and eyes on the world around me. It will be about asking the question, "How is God calling me to loose the chains of injustice, to untie the cords of the yoke, and to set the oppressed free?" 

For sure, it's not the fast I would have chosen. 

But it is the kind of fast that God has chosen. 

Just Dreaming

I've been trying to figure out how I can best explain what it is I am hoping to do with the program I am set to embark on with the Missional Wisdom Foundation.

Part of the problem for me is that my thinking/dreaming is in a sort of infancy stage. I have a rather fuzzy notion about what I'd like the end product to be. Nothing clear. Nothing distinct. Which of course is a very big reason why I am pursuing this particular course of training and formation in the first place.

What I know for certain is that I want to be part of something different than what typically goes on in most of our churches today, and I am fairly certain that other people do to. Which is why they are leaving the church. It's not that they are not faith-filled people, it's that they see the church as largely irrelevant.

Here's what I know for sure:

• I don't want to hear a sermon but then have no clear way to live its implications out during the week. 
• I don't want to be part of a social club that gathers on Sunday and for the occasional game night on Saturday evening.
• I don't want to be a part of system whose sole aim is to perpetuate itself or to keep a building up and running. 

I don't know at this point what an alternative, missional sort of community will look like. I don't know the form such a community might take shape in my particular context of Mount Vernon, Iowa. 

I don't know because, right now, I am just dreaming.

Exercise in Humility

Asking for help can be an exercise in humility.

About nine months ago, a friend of mine sent me some information about the Academy for Missional Wisdom. At the time, I looked briefly at the info but then quickly forgot about it.

Last month she posted the same info again on her Facebook page and said a new cohort was starting in October in Kansas City and to contact her if anyone was interested.

Without any recollection of my previous encounter with this information, I happened to click on the link and as I read through the info something in me said, "I need to do this."

As I started inquiring about the cost, I soon learned that the program cost for two years is $5,000. That put a bit of a damper on my enthusiasm as I considered how tough that was going to be for us to swing.

Since I am currently a stay-at-home dad our monthly income has not quite matched our expenses. We are not going into debt, at this point, but our financial situation is such that we have been slowly eating away at our savings.

Anyway, I took a big gulp and approached my wife, Lori, about the program and to ask for her thoughts. She said it sounded great, and as other people told me she said we could work to build partnerships in a variety of ways in order to support the potential paths for ministry this might open up in the community, presbytery, and beyond.

I decided to take the plunge and send in my application. I was accepted into the program and so things  begin with our first cohort meeting during the second week of October.

The exercise in humility comes in being willing to step out and to ask for help when you need it. So, I have begun to ask for financial support from friends and others who might be willing and able to help me on this endeavor.  (If you'd like to help you can do so by checking out my GoFundMe page.)

The wonderful thing - and humbling too - in all of this is discovering so many people who are generous with their financial resources and willing to walk this journey with me to see the paths for ministry that God is preparing me for. 

What are you doing?

"So, Jim, what are you doing these days?"

Good question.

My primary focus over the last year has been to be a stay-at-home dad for our four year old son, Teddy. It's been a special time for all of us, and I am sure I will never regret this special opportunityI have had to be at home with him.

Now that Teddy has started pre-school and is away from home a couple of hours during the week, I have begun to pick up some additional things to occupy myself. Recently, I started a gig with our local newspaper, The Sun. I am now a corespondent reporting every other week on the happenings of the city council of Lisbon, which is our neighboring town.

I am also keeping my eyes open to the possibility of returning to the work force full time, applying to the occasional job that sounds interesting to me and appears to fit my set of skills and abilities. So far, nothing has come to fruition, so I just keep pressing on, at home, with the tasks that are right in front me.

One thing I don't foresee happening anytime soon is a return to pastoral leadership. The further away I am from it, the more I discover that I have little energy or passion for it. Not only that, I am constantly questioning what it is, exactly, we are doing when we gather together for "church."

That doesn't mean, however, that I'm no longer interested in being a part of kingdom work in someway.

In fact, I am set to start on a journey with the Academy for Missional Wisdom. This unique two-year program, which I will begin in October, is an opportunity for me to receive training and mentoring to  help me retool the way I think about God's mission and activity in the world.

My initial hope in undertaking this journey is two fold:

1.) To be spiritually rejuvenated through daily contemplative practices.
2.) To see the church and the local community with new eyes so I might better identify and join in with what God is already doing.

I am not exactly sure where all of this will lead me; I'm just trying as best I can to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to how God is calling me to be of service.

Embarking on a Journey

I am starting on a two year journey with the Academy for Missional Wisdom.

During this journey, I will explore and develop skills to lead a missional community, combining contemplative practice with missional service to the community.

I will also seek to discern the ways I can join and encourage others to join - in community - to further the work of God's Kingdom in the local Mt. Vernon, Iowa community. 

Will you join me, both through prayer and financial support, as my family and I begin this journey?